where are my fellow infp?
04: newsletter updates and feeling all the feels
Dear friend,
How do you find your motivation?
I've been thinking a lot about how much of my life has been dictated by my feelings. I guess the MBTI was right after all (albeit full of flaws) -- my decisions in life are almost always driven by how I feel. Lately, it's not been great, and I've been having a hard time bouncing back.
They say that you should never rely on motivation to keep you going; that discipline should come in to help you soldier on. But I suppose there is merit in being able to tune in on how you feel and honouring these emotions. It takes courage to say "I don't feel fine" and take a pause when you feel it's necessary. It takes a different kind of fearlessness to be vulnerable and just bear your heart out in the wild.
Oftentimes, I feel like I'm too lenient on myself when it comes to personal goals. Whenever I catch myself taking breaks and indulging in funny TikToks, I would feel guilty right after, thinking that I could've done something more "productive". Wrote something, read something, completed something. It's such a problematic way of thinking, but I have long internalized productivity and optimization in my life, and I have accepted the fact that I could not dismantle it overnight. I'm taking my time, and while it's been a slow journey, I feel like I'm getting better at catching myself, and reminding myself not to feel shame when I follow my feelings. It's been a weird battle -- I'm ambitious as fck but I also need to be reminded that I need to dial it down so I could do more in the long run. Lately, days have been more sustainable, and good habits have lasted longer than I expected. While it's not as consistent or perfect, they're slowly making their mark, and I'm getting better at adapting.
Nowadays, I'm not feeling 100%, but I'm coping. It's not the discipline that's keeping me going; it's the feelings that are driving me to continue. The feeling of hope in things, that they would eventually turn out okay. The feeling of being exhausted and not wanting to get stuck in a cycle of bad habits. The feeling of success in doing the barest minimum. The feeling of showing up, and the feeling of triumph in defeating the bad jujus, no matter how small.
I hope you permit yourself to feel today. And I hope you feel good about it.
Here's to feeling deeply.
J
tiny things to ponder on
For years, I have been OBSESSED with video essays on Youtube and could spend hours watching people analyze things (some favorites: Kristen Leo, Mina Le, Tifanny Ferguson, among many others). Alice Capelle is also one of my favorites — aside from her beautiful face and attractive French accent 🤭, she’s also an educator, and her experiences and knowledge on different subjects are translated to insightful analysis.
Here’s a nice supplementary video that explores the idea of optimizing our lives. Enjoy!
tiny readings
Do I have productivity dysmorphia? “It’s like I’m looking in the mirror of my professional life and I don’t see the published author staring back at me. All I see is a failure.”
On and Off. “A while ago I noticed that when I worked I was often distracted by tasks and plans and feelings, but when I ostensibly “relaxed” I was also trying to be productive.”
Our Culture of Winning at All Costs Is Broken. It Almost Broke Me. “I felt there was no space for me to have a bad day, even when skiing on a bad day could mean — and for me did mean — landing on your head after a jump, almost breaking your spine and having chronic back pain for the rest of your life.”
tiny inspiration
Thank you, Godard.
tiny update
Tiny Signals will now be publishing every Wednesday! With everything that had happened the past few weeks, I realized that midweek is best for my sanity. I love writing these letters, but life demands too much of my energy on weekends. Midweek is just right for me to contemplate what has happened, but also recuperate from night outs and family time.
For friends in the Philippines! If you’re from the South, my small shop, @grounding.co, is participating on the AFK Book Fair. It’s a no-phones type of bazaar, happening on 17-18 September 2022, at Molito Lifestyle Center. Details here:
fellow infp, here! 🤪
*raises hand like in class roll call* fellow infp, present! i fully understand about finding motivation when you're more or less ruled by your emotions. i have always found establishing discipline/habit over motivation/inspiration very hard, even beyond personal projects. i do understand the need for a break but i've come to a point when i'm always on a bad day. haha! if only i have some of your ambitiousness! i totally, a 1000% embody and check all of the infp boxes and it'd be me and i totally need some dialing up for doing tasks and etc.
i have also been loving watching video essays/social criticisms on youtube! although the one that got me into it (miiasaurous) just got recently canceled lol it's amazing, i get to learn so many things! it's like being in class but with fun, cool teachers, right?